Well this week has not been the easiest ever. I’ve actually been in my new job for a bit this week, getting some briefing from the previous person before they leave. While I am actually in work, I’ve been quite happy, but at other times I’ve been getting quite anxious about things (any things – you name it and I’ve probably got anxious about it this week! Hmmm well actually now come to think about it, I’ve not worried about suddenly turning into a werewolf or about getting frostbite in my toes……Oh but now I’ve thought about it…. where’s my GP’s number!!!!!). I think a lot of it is actually about facing a new work challenge where there is such a sharp learning curve and so much training that I need to do. I think I will be much better when I am actually properly in post full-time on 14 March. Meanwhile the amount of stress and tension is making everyday life that bit more difficult and I’m not sleeping as well as I would like! Thankfully I have supportive friends who can put up with lots of phonecalls and my counsellor is being really encouraging too. She actually reckons I’m coping well with the large amount of change I’ve been experiencing in the last 3 months. All I can say is – I’d hate to think what coping badly would be like!
Monthly Archives: February 2005
Arti enters the realm of the employed once more!
Well I have a job! It’s working in a Students Union ( not the Uni I used to work for) running the advice unit. I’m really pleased but also pretty anxious as I’ll have to learn a whole load of new stuff pretty quickly. The pay isn’t brilliant, but it’s enough to live on so that’s OK!
I’ve seen the light!
I have a job interview on Friday morning, and another one next Tuesday morning. I’m feeling nervous! (teeth chattering smiley)
I had a light box delivered today. I’ve found a company (www.healthy-house.co.uk) that will rent one to you for 2 months (or more). If you want to buy the box after 2 months, they knock one month’s rental off the purchase price. As well as being useful for Seasonal Affective Disorder, some studies have apparently found that it’s helpful with classical depression too. So I’m trying it to see! I”ll let you know the results of my scientifically formulated (as in – well I sat by it quite a bit today, hmmm now lets see, how do I feel) trial as time goes on!
Sugar addict and “Socks R Us”
Today I ran out of sugar. So I was forced to put honey on my Weetabix this morning (not too bad) and in my tea (interesting!). What an addict I am!!
In “other news” I have just put a load of washing in the machine and painstakingly turned every sock inside-out before putting it in the drum. I’m trying to eliminate the rash of “sock fluff” that seems to spread its way over my carpet when I take my socks off! I realise this may be TMI but the world really needed to be told! Is this a common problem I wonder or is my obsession with sock fluff a symptom of being only partially employed and having too much spare time on my hands? Maybe I have the “wrong kind” of socks. Please advise!
A poem
I had another “interesting” counselling session yesterday. I wrote this poem afterwards. It’s kind of about my feelings and response to the session.
LANDSLIDE?
Today is tumultuous.
Great shards of stone splinter
and fall by force.
Some lodge in the soft crevices
of heart and soul.
Oh! They have sharp edges!
Bruised and bleeding,
crumbling, creeping,
sliding, seeping,
bone and sinew
twisted, weeping.
This is a wall of water, rock and mud.
Water spurts from cracks
with piercing spray;
acute tears
tell the tale of inner pressure.
The roaring ground
is spitting earth and pebbles.
And under it all,
deep and relentless,
the thud, thud, scud
of water and of blood,
of pain, of life
of anger, fear and love.
It really doesn’t take very long….
to tidy dust and vacuum my bedroom, so why has it taken me all day to get around to it? And if anyone can enlighten me as to why sock fluff sticks to the carpet with a tenacity only bettered by chewing gum, I’d be really interested!
Actually I’ve had a really weird day.
I was woken at about 9.45 by a phonecall (it was kind of an emergency so I didn’t mind too much) and realised that I’d been dreaming the entire plot of a detective story!! ( a completely new and made-up-by-me-one, not one already written). I think my chances of writing an international best-seller though are quite slim because I can’t remember the point of it all – why the “baddies” were being bad etc. I do remember that the end of it was when a police chief from a neighbouring county (all the town’s police were really baddies in disguise) came to the rescue (he was tipped off by a child who had managed to post a letter to him without the baddies knowing. It was really quite clever the way it was managed, but I can’t remember how now!) by entering the town disguised on a float in the town carnival. The pictures and images of the town and its streets are still quite vivid in my mind though.
Then I found it quite impossible to wake up properly (despite breakfast), so I went back to sleep for another few hours. When I finally did wake up I just felt like I wanted to cry but I didn’t know why! A cup of tea and a chat with a friendly penguin (:D) cheered me up though and I’ve managed to do a bit of housework since then. I still feel as though I could just sleep forever though. I’m trying desperately to stay awake now and go to bed early rather than sleep again now as I think I would then be likely to be awake all night!
Nightmares!
Phew – I’m not so sure about this learning support work! I’ve had loads of nightmares last night, all about being back at school and in exams and not being able to do them, or running out of ink or paper!! Still at least I’ve woken up now (perhaps I’d beter go and check my O level certificates to be sure!!!!!).
I’ve enjoyed my first week at this job but I’ve found it quite intense working just with the same student ( and that, one with special needs) for 14.5 hours. Not a lot of hours work in the week, but a lot to spend focussed on one person! Anyway, no work today 
, so I’m looking forward to taking things at a slightly slower pace and catching up on housework. ( I’m always looking FORWARD to catching up on housework)
In other news, my grandmother (aged 92) has had a fall and broken a rib so any prayers would be appreciated! She seems not too bad at the moment, but of course any injury at that age is potentially very serious!
Wiblog entry for 09/02/2005
Well I had another interesting counselling session this week. It seemed quite muddly in terms of emotions but has given me a lot to mull over. I am still quite anxious but things are better than a week ago!
I seem to have ended up with a part-time job. It kind of just “happened” via someone at church saying something. I didn’t even interview for it or anything – though the first week is kind of a trial to see how it suits both me and them. It’s nowhere near enough to live on but it’s more than job-seekers allowance so that has to be good! It’s offering learning support assistance to an autistic 14 year old girl at school. So far I’m finding it enjoyable but quite demanding and intense and tiring – good job it’s only 14.5 hours a week. The idea is that it is something I can do to help eek out the pennies while I look for full-time work. I’ve never worked with someone with this type of difficulty before so it is quite a sharp learning curve for me but I’m enjoying being able to offer support and help.
A funny book
I picked this book up in the library and it has made me laugh like mad! I think it is meant for teenagers but I certainly enjoyed it.
It’s called “It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers” by Louise Rennison. It’s a bit like Bridget Jones for teenagers only probably funnier!
Ths style also reminded me a bit of Yay’s blog!
Some excerpts:
“Even though it is quite obvious, even to the VERY Dim that I am not eating, Mum hasn’t noticed. She said “do you want some oven chips and beans?”
And I said “I will never eat again.”
She just said “OK” and tucked in with Libbs.
I had to creep into the kitchen and finish off the chips she had left.
Because I haven’t been a practicing Buddhist for very long (half ana hour) I restrict my requests to the essentials……
I’ll just leave it at that and won’t go into the nose business (less of it and more sticky up) or breast reduction requests otherwise I will be here all night and Buddha might think I’m a cheeky new Buddhist and only believing to get things.
Phew…
Well it’s been a week of anxiety, panic and a lot of tension, but today I feel just a little better. My counsellor has been helpful in sending me emails and I have some very good friends! (Including penguin shaped ones – you know who you are ). My Pilates class (back to the old, more gentle teacher) and a sauna and steam afterwards helped too.
Today I am going shopping with a friend, so I’m hoping that’ll keep me distracted from anxiety and panic!
